Sunday when I woke I realized I messed up our plans for staying up the night before to watch movies and have fun by falling asleep before he got home and not waking up till morning. I snuck out of his bedroom and sat outside a while so he could get some rest. I think this is when it hit me harder that everything had been so confusing. By confusing I mean he wanted me to go home asap, but because of some booking issues I had stayed a week longer and we had been getting along just swell. I know we haven't been boyfriend and girlfriend for a good while, but we were still acting very similar to it by using bf/gf names, kisses, laughing like we used to, etc. He had told me that us living together would not work out because he wasn't as ready as he thought he was to share his space and have his routine disturbed, yet we had been getting through our days very smoothly. This made me think that maybe he was getting used to having me around and may be opening up to living together. I didn't want to get as hurt though so I tried to tell myself that we were just getting along because it is better to get along and be pleasant for the rest of the time we have together instead of being cold to one another.
We started our walk to the river with Caesar but I felt tension before even leaving the house. Once on the road walking I felt more and more awkward and tense with every step. I'm pretty sure he was fine, but I think I was projecting my feelings and worries. We were about half an hour in when I turned around and told him we should go back because I'm not enjoying this and it didn't look like they were either plus I was worried about the hot ground on Caesar's paw pads. We turned around and quickly walked back. Once through the door I ran on the treadmill to help calm me a bit. I tend to push myself especially hard when working out when I am mad at myself. I was angry that I let myself blow up. I was only confused, sad, scared, etc. Luckily for me, Schatzi let me be for a bit and when he came in he asked if I was ready to tell him what was wrong. I tried to explain myself and we laid on the floor together just talking and looking up at the ceiling fan. Although he confirmed my fears, he hugged me and kissed my forehead before going out to mow the grass.
Oh and I got burnt from our hour walk. Not as red in this photo as it was in person, but I think you can see it. I needed to relax so I went and took a cold bath. Later on I had some wine and Schatzi had his beer. Let's just say that we had a rather interesting evening. We watched The Intern and Pitch Perfect 2. I don't think I went to sleep until maybe 2? Things were said that I didn't appreciate and things were said that I felt bad for saying. I will just forget it all and give him the excuse of alcohol. I am glad that nothing serious happened.-ALG
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