I had an emotional day and an extremely rough morning. Yet again, I woke up shortly after six in a sweat, in pain, and emotional. I keep having this bad dream where the same scene keeps replaying itself. In this dream he and I are driving and arrive at the airport, both exit the car, hug for a minute, I cry, he says something, and I either watch him drive away as I stand frozen like a statue or I turn and walk away forever into the airport. I mean it was difficult enough experiencing this in real life, but to have to keep reliving and facing that event is a lot to deal with when you first wake up. I wish I had control over my dreams. If I could I would dream about food because food is always fun to try and usually yummy. Food makes me happy. After sitting on my bed a good while after the dream I broke down and ended up telling him about the dream. Why? I have no clue. I knew what he would most likely say/do and not say/do. I should be content with him responding at this point.
After getting over that as best I could, I got myself ready for my meeting at the gym. My membership is up for renewal so I had to go to the gym to discuss prices and pay for my new higher tier membership. It has been at least two and a half months since I last stepped foot into the gym so I was feeling vulnerable, nervous, and lost. The gentleman that went over the information with me was very helpful and even set me up with a trainer for an assessment this Friday. I will admit to a small emotional breakdown at the gym when the gentleman asked why I was so down. I recovered and made my way around the gym floor from the stair climber to the free weights to the bathroom (of course right?) etc. My thighs were burning at a mere minute and a half into my time on the stair climber but I pushed myself. The gym was packed compared to what I was used to and because of that I felt extremely self conscious lifting such light weights considering I was sweating, shaking, and almost struggling. I haven't lifted weights like that in over a month though. I was ready to call it quits after the weights, but I finished up with some core exercises to help out my very pathetic weak core. When I got home I hopped on to the treadmill and pushed myself to run at a 5mph speed for three miles. I was incredibly sweaty after to the point of my mom commenting that I sweat as much as a guy. I hope that just means I am getting a good workout in and not that there is something wrong with me. I was pretty much covered in sweat from my head to my toes.
For lunch I had edamame, blueberries, asparagus, a kind bar, and a handful of banana chips. Although I was trying to be healthy I did have some boba tea. I watched some TV with my mom and off I went to European Wax Center for my usual underarm wax session. I was bad and stopped by the boba place after. In my defense I had a 50% coupon that was going to expire soon.
Back to the car and down the road I went for a last minute scheduled massage. More like an hour therapy/venting session. I started face down and that's when I did most of my crying. Crying in itself is not comfortable or graceful in any means, but try crying on your face in a hole plus not really being able to wipe your nose when you want to. My massage therapist was a good ear and had some good advice and comments. Thank goodness I stopped crying half way into my massage so I could breathe again. I can't, but I can, believe that I broke down at the spa.
For dinner my dad made a yummy version of the Panera Strawberry and poppy seed chicken salad. Very delicious and light salad. I did give in to a half a bread, and to nobody's surprise I bloated a bit. Any time I have sodium, sugar, or carbs I bloat. I am drinking a lot more than 8 cups of water though so I could also be water logged. Regardless it has gone down since then. My parents and I ended the night with a few very funny episodes of Family Feud which helped bring my spirits back up and keep my mind off reality. But now I am faced with going to sleep here soon. I really do hope that I don't have to endure that dream again tonight.
-ALG
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