Be Strong (day 2)

Morning guys,

The next morning, after another rough night of less than four hours of sleep, I was still feeling incredibly hurt. I stayed in bed as Schatzi got ready for his day. He left only saying goodbye to me. When I finally got out of bed I looked in the bathroom mirror and told myself "You don't deserve this. You are beautiful and this is not a reflection of you. Don't you dare think that you aren't good enough for him." I needed that little pep talk. After a while I was feeling like my whole relationship was a lie. I was getting down on myself again so I decided a bit of makeup and getting dressed would lift my spirits a tad.

I used the time he was at work to really think about the situation he had created for us. Questions flooded my mind. Why would you cheat on someone you claim to have loved? Why would he want to hurt me like this? If you've been cheated on before why would you want anyone else to go through the same pain? Does he even love me? Was he seeing here when I was in my classes? How stupid do I now look? What am I going to do now that I can never trust him the same way I used to? Why did I put him so high up on that pedestal? Am I just being used? What do they have that he wants that I don't have? The questions still go on. It's haunting me every minute I am awake.

I spent the day being lazy. Watching TV and doing a bit of cleaning. I was trying to keep my mind from remembering I was recently cheated on, but it was very difficult because when I turned the TV on all I saw were shows and movies that had to deal with cheating.

Getting some fresh air sounded like a good idea so I went outside as it got later into the evening. I spent time with Schatzi's dog and we waited for Schatzi to get home. Waited over an hour in the cold, yes it was my choice so I am not blaming him, but he barely even greeted me when he came home from work.

I had cooked dinner and was waiting for him to get home so we could eat together. Even though I am in pain and upset I still wanted to spend time with him. He showered and I waited. I had to microwave my food maybe three or four times before he went to the kitchen got his food and didn't even sit with me. Thanks. It's not like I spent time trying to cook or anything. Not like I waited the whole day for you to come home from work so we could be together. So of course that all rubbed me the wrong way. The night held a lot of arguing. I can't say much progress was made.

-ALG