Why Do I Go?

Hey you,

I usually post random parts of my daily life, but this one will go a bit deeper. *deep breath in*

If any of you have met me in person you know that I am petite. I am a whole 5 feet tall and range from 93-95lbs. For my height being 95 lbs puts me right at the edge of being underweight. Now before you start thinking anything too crazy let me set a few things straight. I do not starve myself. I do not make myself vomit after I eat. I am naturally at 95 lbs.

I'll let you in on a little secret. I haven't been truly happy with the way my body looks in over four years. That's a really long time. Of course there are ways people can help me feel better about my current body, but at the end of the day I am the one that has to live with my body.

I used to not care about how my body looked. Now don't take that the wrong way. I was healthy but didn't feel pressured to have a certain look. When do you think this carefree life was? Elementary school. Crazy right? Thinking about how I felt back then makes me wonder what pressures children are feeling today as I type this post. Getting dressed in the morning used to be about wearing what I thought was cute and fun, but that has changed. When I'm not going to work I have to choose clothes to wear. I now flip through all my shirts looking for one that not only looks normal but a shirt that won't hug my body. I don't like wearing tight clothing because it hugs me in all the  wrong places. Sometimes I even put a shirt on and end up looking at myself in the mirror then head back to my room to change. I'm not the only one that does this right?

I am cautious of what I eat. This doesn't mean that I deny myself of all junk food. Yesterday, for example, I had half a brownie with frosting, chips, and ice cream too! Yes I realize this doesn't sound like very much but the point is I let myself eat junk.  I try to keep away from chips, candy, bread, etc. But I'm human and I give in. I also have that lovely PMS time that visits me and makes me go crazy for chocolate and salty foods. Problem with me having just a tad bit too much salt or sugar or carbs is that I bloat. Yea we all bloat but I look pregnant!

Everyone has their own idea of how many cups of water a day is the golden number. I think 8 8oz cups is good for me. I don't really drink water though. No I don't drink soda, juice, tea, milk, etc. So what do I drink? I honestly don't know but I have been getting better at drinking more water! I try to do at least 4 cups before work then 4 before I leave work.

I try not to talk to others about how I feel about my body because I always get the same responses. "You're soooooo skinny! You don't need to be on a diet" "Dude you barely eat anything anyway!" "I think there's something wrong with you because you're already so skinny" I am naturally thin compared to the general population. This does not mean that I automatically love my body! This also doesn't mean that I am tone AT ALL! Why can't people ask why I want to "diet" or workout instead of judging me or thinking I have an eating disorder? My ribs and hip bones tend to naturally stick out a bit. Do I like this? NO! I don't like feeling bony. Do I like that my arms and legs look like little sticks? NO!


People think that I should be happy because my body is so petite and I'm so cute. I can't say I agree. Every once in a while I can look in the mirror and actually like my body, but this doesn't happen too often. I am not happy with the way my body looks. I think media is partially at fault here. I mean turn on the TV, flip through a magazine, go to a store and you can see females that are tall, thin, toned, overall rockin bodies. Good for them but now I feel like crap about my body. I can't sit down without worrying about my tummy fat getting squished over my pants.

So I go to the gym to put a little bit of muscle on my stick limbs, burn some calories so I can eat more food, and feel better about myself. I want to be healthier. What does this mean? I want to have better eating habits. I want to think more positively. I want to say bye bye to some of the fat I have that keeps my tummy company. I'm sure there are a few more reasons, but that's it for now. Going to the gym is intimidating for me. I always feel like people are watching and judging me. I stand there with my 8lb weights while everyone else is using 25, 40, 70, etc. But I keep trying to remind myself that we all have to start somewhere. This is me on my long journey to being happy. I want to love my body and feel confident. That's not too much to ask for is it?




So if you guys ever hear me say I need to go on a diet or I need to workout you know my thoughts. Try to be positive too. Heck, join me!

-ALG