Is It Excessive?

Hi guys,

I had another therapy session this morning and I definitely needed it. I can't say that therapy helps me a ton, but my therapist is a nonbiased individual that may be able to help me with my tornado of a life. Most of my sessions are about Schatzi, school, and family. The last few have been focused on what happened with the relationship Schatzi and I had as well as what I should be thinking about.

If you don't know, I am always with my phone. Not as much lately, but I am usually always with my phone. I like to be able to take photos whenever I want and also it takes the place of a watch. When I am in a relationship I like to talk to the person. In this past relationship it was a good 85% long distance. In my head that meant all we had was our phones. You know, phone calls, FaceTime, and texting. Instant communication unlike the other option of mail. Although I did enjoy receiving letters. I thought talking throughout the day when time allowed was a way to show how much I cared and wanted to be involved. Turns out it may have simply been too excessive. I don't want to make up a bunch of excuses but I am used to always texting my partner through the day. I see where my therapist is coming from when he said texting five different times a day can be seen as excessive. It's just hard to stay away or not share something exciting right? Maybe I was too much. I need to learn to cut back.

I also told my therapist about my grandma, what she said, and how it made me feel. He told me that I need to focus on myself and what is best for me. I know doing nails makes me happy and I was feeling fine about that aspect of my life before she spoke to me. She has a huge impact on my life and I believe it has to do with how giving she was when I was younger. My grandparents have saved and given me a lot of money for college and I think that is a big part of why I feel guilty that I am not in college. It's not like I am spending that money, but it isn't being used. My therapist told me that I probably feel like I am being placed under a microscope where everyone wants to know my every move to scrutinize me. Of course there are other reasons why they want to know, but that is how I feel. It's as if they are waiting for me to step out of line or mess up again. This part of therapy hit me hard because I feel like that may have been what I have done to Schatzi in the past without even knowing so. I feel guilty for possibly treating someone in a similar fashion to how I do not appreciate being treated. I hope to never make that mistake again.

A relatively positive aspect of my visit today was when my therapist told me he's noticed over the months that I am very good at logically reasoning out situations. I tend to take a situation and logically reason both sides. Now whether I want to admit both sides or not is a totally different story. He said I may do this act of logical reasoning to push away the problem at hand. I took this to mean I turn to logic to avoid facing my feelings. I mean who wants to be experiencing any negative feeling?

I have almost four weeks to m next session to give this session some thought and decide what I would like to work on next. I basically have a lot to think about.

-ALG