Morning guys,
The next morning, after another rough night of less than four hours of sleep, I was still feeling incredibly hurt. I stayed in bed as Schatzi got ready for his day. He left only saying goodbye to me. When I finally got out of bed I looked in the bathroom mirror and told myself "You don't deserve this. You are beautiful and this is not a reflection of you. Don't you dare think that you aren't good enough for him." I needed that little pep talk. After a while I was feeling like my whole relationship was a lie. I was getting down on myself again so I decided a bit of makeup and getting dressed would lift my spirits a tad.
I used the time he was at work to really think about the situation he had created for us. Questions flooded my mind. Why would you cheat on someone you claim to have loved? Why would he want to hurt me like this? If you've been cheated on before why would you want anyone else to go through the same pain? Does he even love me? Was he seeing here when I was in my classes? How stupid do I now look? What am I going to do now that I can never trust him the same way I used to? Why did I put him so high up on that pedestal? Am I just being used? What do they have that he wants that I don't have? The questions still go on. It's haunting me every minute I am awake.
I spent the day being lazy. Watching TV and doing a bit of cleaning. I was trying to keep my mind from remembering I was recently cheated on, but it was very difficult because when I turned the TV on all I saw were shows and movies that had to deal with cheating.
Getting some fresh air sounded like a good idea so I went outside as it got later into the evening. I spent time with Schatzi's dog and we waited for Schatzi to get home. Waited over an hour in the cold, yes it was my choice so I am not blaming him, but he barely even greeted me when he came home from work.
I had cooked dinner and was waiting for him to get home so we could eat together. Even though I am in pain and upset I still wanted to spend time with him. He showered and I waited. I had to microwave my food maybe three or four times before he went to the kitchen got his food and didn't even sit with me. Thanks. It's not like I spent time trying to cook or anything. Not like I waited the whole day for you to come home from work so we could be together. So of course that all rubbed me the wrong way. The night held a lot of arguing. I can't say much progress was made.
-ALG
Friday, December 11, 2015
I Don't Deserve This (day 1)
Hey . . .
After a rough night of tossing and turning and waking up at least four times I was surprisingly feeling rested when I got out of bed. Schatzi got up fed his dog, washed up, made breakfast, and was off to work. I figured my first day of my "vacation" I would catch up on blogging, watch YouTube videos, and try to relax. Hopped on the couch and I stumbled across some rather heartbreaking messages. Let me address that I accidentally found what I did, but felt extremely guilty for reading the messages. I do not snoop through my boyfriend's personal anything. I used to snoop through my ex's phone because he was the cheating type, but I never thought that of my current boyfriend. You can only attempt to imagine how surprised I was to find the painfully concrete messages I was reading.
When I first started dating Schatzi I was swept off my feet. I thought to myself that this is an amazing man that I am so lucky to have stumble into my life. I am a young adult so all of my past relationships have felt like kids dating. This relationship made me feel like I was moving up, growing up. I was in a serious relationship. A relationship that I thought looked promising. I finally had a boyfriend with a welcoming, enchanting, big family. A family I wanted to be a part of one day. (You have no idea how difficult it has been for me to find a boyfriend with a normal family. Now I have a boyfriend with such a perfect family.) Schatzi was such a gentleman. He would write me letters, cook for me, take me out, buy me flowers, and look at me with eyes that said more than words ever could. He was strong, exciting, adventurous, outgoing, and fascinatingly traveled. He seemed to be so into me. Not only for my physical appearance, but my intellect and quirky ways.
If you are new to this blog I'll let you know that Schatzi and I have been through a lot together. He was there for my first year of college hardships, my 19th family birthday dinner (which believe me was hell), my very difficult decision to leave UCSD, my dance with depression and self harm, my family being against his dating me, my father's heart attack, and so much more. I was there for part of his depression, late night nightmares, theft of his motorcycle, his graduating college, job searching, and so much more. It has been almost a year and ten months since we officially started dating. This makes it even more difficult to accept that the man I love, that I thought loved me, would harm me.
I am shocked, hurt, sad, mad, and disappointed. Most of all though I am shocked. As I read the messages my eyes grew with pain. I didn't want to believe my eyes. I wanted to unseen what I had seen. I wanted an explanation. I wanted infinite apologies and affection. I wanted to see the look on his face when he found out he got caught and his secret was out. I wanted to see the guilt and shame in his eyes as he had to face me and the truth of the situation.
I waited for him to come home from work. I had him open his ps4 Christmas gift before talking to him so I could see the true reaction to the gift without it being tainted by the talk we were about to have. At least he was happy with his gifts.
Trying to talk was harder than I had thought it would be. I could feel my whole body shaking with every word and tear that came from my body. It wasn't anger, but the betrayal that was making me shake. Let's just say that things did not go anywhere near what I was half expecting.
I came here to surprise my boyfriend. I didn't know I was the one that would be truly surprised.
-ALG
After a rough night of tossing and turning and waking up at least four times I was surprisingly feeling rested when I got out of bed. Schatzi got up fed his dog, washed up, made breakfast, and was off to work. I figured my first day of my "vacation" I would catch up on blogging, watch YouTube videos, and try to relax. Hopped on the couch and I stumbled across some rather heartbreaking messages. Let me address that I accidentally found what I did, but felt extremely guilty for reading the messages. I do not snoop through my boyfriend's personal anything. I used to snoop through my ex's phone because he was the cheating type, but I never thought that of my current boyfriend. You can only attempt to imagine how surprised I was to find the painfully concrete messages I was reading.
When I first started dating Schatzi I was swept off my feet. I thought to myself that this is an amazing man that I am so lucky to have stumble into my life. I am a young adult so all of my past relationships have felt like kids dating. This relationship made me feel like I was moving up, growing up. I was in a serious relationship. A relationship that I thought looked promising. I finally had a boyfriend with a welcoming, enchanting, big family. A family I wanted to be a part of one day. (You have no idea how difficult it has been for me to find a boyfriend with a normal family. Now I have a boyfriend with such a perfect family.) Schatzi was such a gentleman. He would write me letters, cook for me, take me out, buy me flowers, and look at me with eyes that said more than words ever could. He was strong, exciting, adventurous, outgoing, and fascinatingly traveled. He seemed to be so into me. Not only for my physical appearance, but my intellect and quirky ways.
If you are new to this blog I'll let you know that Schatzi and I have been through a lot together. He was there for my first year of college hardships, my 19th family birthday dinner (which believe me was hell), my very difficult decision to leave UCSD, my dance with depression and self harm, my family being against his dating me, my father's heart attack, and so much more. I was there for part of his depression, late night nightmares, theft of his motorcycle, his graduating college, job searching, and so much more. It has been almost a year and ten months since we officially started dating. This makes it even more difficult to accept that the man I love, that I thought loved me, would harm me.
I am shocked, hurt, sad, mad, and disappointed. Most of all though I am shocked. As I read the messages my eyes grew with pain. I didn't want to believe my eyes. I wanted to unseen what I had seen. I wanted an explanation. I wanted infinite apologies and affection. I wanted to see the look on his face when he found out he got caught and his secret was out. I wanted to see the guilt and shame in his eyes as he had to face me and the truth of the situation.
I waited for him to come home from work. I had him open his ps4 Christmas gift before talking to him so I could see the true reaction to the gift without it being tainted by the talk we were about to have. At least he was happy with his gifts.
Trying to talk was harder than I had thought it would be. I could feel my whole body shaking with every word and tear that came from my body. It wasn't anger, but the betrayal that was making me shake. Let's just say that things did not go anywhere near what I was half expecting.
I came here to surprise my boyfriend. I didn't know I was the one that would be truly surprised.
-ALG
Wednesday, December 9, 2015
Got Him!
Hey guys,I have been planning to visit Schatzi for a good while now. It had been over four months and I really wanted to see him. I took a week off from my jobs, coordinated with his mom, and tried to keep the specifics from him. He's not really into surprises so I was worried about how my plan would go over. It was so difficult leaving my baby at home. When my mom and I were getting ready to head to the airport Mimi jumped into the driver's seat.
Wasn't terribly crowded at the airport. Thank goodness right? After going through TSA I saw a really pretty Christmas tree. I do enjoy Christmas even though a lot of people have tainted it for me. Decorations are just so cheery!!The flight was never quiet. There were two babies, three small children, and a dog. Who behaved the best you ask? The doggie. The babies decided to take turns crying when the other was quiet. The small children were in the aisle across from their parents and the mom had to keep yelling at them. I'm sorry but if your children cannot behave don't have them all sit together!! The view out the window made it all worth it though. Absolutely gorgeous!
I met Schatzi's mom at the airport and off to Costco we went. It's about a two hour ride from the airport to her house so we got to catch up. I really wish his folks lived closer because they are some really awesome people.
As we pulled up the driveway we noticed Schatzi was sitting out on the porch. I swear I saw him look up and his mom and I were both scared he saw me and ruined the surprise. Oh I forgot to say I texted him around the time I would have my lunch break at work and again when I would have had a ten minute break. Apparently I was pretty convincing because he was totally surprised when I came around the corner of the house! He had his earphones in his ears so he didn't even hear me say hi to him. He had to do a double take lol I could see he was surprised though. (Turns out he surprised me to because he was smoking. Which he never told me he had stopped yet, but I just didn't expect it.) He got up and hugged me, lifting me off the floor. It was sweet and a moment that I didn't want to forget.
-ALG
Tuesday, December 8, 2015
Bagel Date
Dang this is such an old post. This is back when I was going to the gym multiple times a week. Anyhow, there is a little cafe across from the gym that sells yummy smoothies and bagels. I talked to my mom about it and she said we should go sometime for lunch. One day after the gym she met me over there and we each got a smoothie and a bagel.I always get the green smoothie. I personally think this one tastes like guavas, but mom says it tastes like bananas. I can see where she is coming from. Pizza bagel nicely toasted with cream cheese for me and a cranberry bagel for mom. Can't quite remember what was in her smoothie, but she liked it so much the whole thing was gone before I even finished my bagel!
It was nice being able to spend some one on one time with my mom. May need to go back again even if it's just for a smoothie.
Looking at that photo makes me want that smoothie right now. I'll need to figure out the recipe one of these days!
-ALG
FaceTime Date
Hey guys!
I'm sorry I've been very behind with these posts, but I'd rather have them up late then never.
As you guys know Schatzi and I are in a bit of a long distance relationship. That means no taking each other out to dinner, no cuddles, no hugs, etc. It gets tough. Schatzi came up with a really sweet idea of a FaceTime dinner date. What's that you ask? Well we each get the same type of food and talk and eat together. I guess it sounds boring, but it was NOT. I am always late it seems so I was rushing like crazy to get my errands done and get my food! My genius self forget to take traffic into consideration too, but I was ready on the dot! Not to mention I was having major MAJOR butterflies in my tummy leading up to our date. Tried to look decent for the date too. I was blushing as we started FaceTiming! It was very different just eating in front of the camera. Lots of fun though! Got to watch him drop nachos all over lol Of course I forgot to ask him to snap a photo for this post, but oh well. I was too excited to remember!
I hope that our little FaceTime date is a bit of a preview of the future dinners we will have together. I enjoyed our date. It was very different, in a good way, and I'd love to have more. Sadly from the looks of things we won't be eating dinners around the same time for a while now.
-ALG
I'm sorry I've been very behind with these posts, but I'd rather have them up late then never.
As you guys know Schatzi and I are in a bit of a long distance relationship. That means no taking each other out to dinner, no cuddles, no hugs, etc. It gets tough. Schatzi came up with a really sweet idea of a FaceTime dinner date. What's that you ask? Well we each get the same type of food and talk and eat together. I guess it sounds boring, but it was NOT. I am always late it seems so I was rushing like crazy to get my errands done and get my food! My genius self forget to take traffic into consideration too, but I was ready on the dot! Not to mention I was having major MAJOR butterflies in my tummy leading up to our date. Tried to look decent for the date too. I was blushing as we started FaceTiming! It was very different just eating in front of the camera. Lots of fun though! Got to watch him drop nachos all over lol Of course I forgot to ask him to snap a photo for this post, but oh well. I was too excited to remember!
I hope that our little FaceTime date is a bit of a preview of the future dinners we will have together. I enjoyed our date. It was very different, in a good way, and I'd love to have more. Sadly from the looks of things we won't be eating dinners around the same time for a while now.
-ALG
Apple Roses
Hungry?
There's been a few videos going around the internet about these new apple rose pastries. Have you seen em? Well I haven't baked in a long time so I thought why not give it a try. Here is my step by step plus ingredients list for y'all.
Ingredients:
-two apples of your choice
-lemon
-apricot preserve
-puff pastry
-water
-cinnamon
-flour
Step 1. Start to defrost your puff pastry now. Wash and slice your apples. Thinly slice them. I mean THINLY super THINLY! I mean look at how thin that apple slice is!
Step 2. Squeeze the juice of a lemon into a bowl of water. Make sure it's a microwave safe bowl. Submerge the apple slices into the water.
Step 3. Microwave the apples for 3 minutes. Be careful when removing them because it is HOT!!
Step 4. Unfold the puff pastry onto a floured surface. Using a rolling pin flatten the dough. Then using a sharp knife slice the dough into six even rectangles. Let's just pretend they were even lol
Step 5. It's up to you but I found one part water one part apricot preserve was a nice balance. Mix the two ingredients in a small microwavable bowl and heat till combined.
Step 6. Grab one of the rectangles of puff pastry. Spoon some of the water preserve onto the puff pastry. Take some of the apple slices from the water and over lap them at the top of the puff pastry. Sprinkle some cinnamon over the tops and roll!
Step 7. I used a silicon muffin pan because it's a bit easier when it comes to getting them out of the pan in the end.
Step 8. Bake at 375 degrees f for 15-20 minutes at a time. Smelled yummy! Look how pretty they turned out too!!
If I make these again I would add more cinnamon, thinner dough, more apple slices, more colorful apples, and try various preserves.
Super gorgeous pastry idea for the holidays!!
-ALG
There's been a few videos going around the internet about these new apple rose pastries. Have you seen em? Well I haven't baked in a long time so I thought why not give it a try. Here is my step by step plus ingredients list for y'all.
Ingredients:
-two apples of your choice
-lemon
-apricot preserve
-puff pastry
-water
-cinnamon
-flour
Step 1. Start to defrost your puff pastry now. Wash and slice your apples. Thinly slice them. I mean THINLY super THINLY! I mean look at how thin that apple slice is!
Step 2. Squeeze the juice of a lemon into a bowl of water. Make sure it's a microwave safe bowl. Submerge the apple slices into the water.
Step 3. Microwave the apples for 3 minutes. Be careful when removing them because it is HOT!!
Step 4. Unfold the puff pastry onto a floured surface. Using a rolling pin flatten the dough. Then using a sharp knife slice the dough into six even rectangles. Let's just pretend they were even lol
Step 5. It's up to you but I found one part water one part apricot preserve was a nice balance. Mix the two ingredients in a small microwavable bowl and heat till combined.
Step 6. Grab one of the rectangles of puff pastry. Spoon some of the water preserve onto the puff pastry. Take some of the apple slices from the water and over lap them at the top of the puff pastry. Sprinkle some cinnamon over the tops and roll!
Step 7. I used a silicon muffin pan because it's a bit easier when it comes to getting them out of the pan in the end.
Step 8. Bake at 375 degrees f for 15-20 minutes at a time. Smelled yummy! Look how pretty they turned out too!!
If I make these again I would add more cinnamon, thinner dough, more apple slices, more colorful apples, and try various preserves.
Super gorgeous pastry idea for the holidays!!
-ALG
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Bowling With The Bro
Hey guys,I had a random craving for ice cream a few weeks back so while my brother and I were out walking the dog I asked if he wanted to go get ice cream with me. Figured we hardly spend any time together so why not make him drive me (he just got his license) to go get some Cold Stone?? Surprisingly he said sure and that he would drive and even pay! Plus he suggested we go bowling!
Same place I went to when Schatzi was here. My brother and I chose two balls each that way we wouldn't have to wait for the ball to come back up. The two on the left look like guacamole!Oh yea so both of our names start with the letter B. Made it a tad bit confusing, but I was the bottom B and he was the top. Look this is the game where we both got a strike!
Before we started our third game I was really wanting some fries. Bam! Fries and ketchup of course!
I got the idea of using our left hands for the third and final game. We are both right handed so I thought it would be challenging and amusing. I went to go ask if we could get bumpers, but they had a sign saying you had to be 10 or under!! WHAT?! I can look young but not THAT young! Even with no bumpers we decided to give it a try for a bit. We honestly didn't do that bad! For the most part we did just as well with our left as we did our right. Then we started to get gutter balls and went back to using our right hands.
Ending scores. Me: 258 Him: 210
Off to ice cream!! But he decided not to get ice cream. He made me be unhealthy all by myself! He got boba milk tea though. I always have trouble choosing between two flavors. I got both! Mango and cotton candy with sprinkles and gummy bears! If you haven't had ice cream with gummy bears you MUST try! They get nice and hard and extra chewy! I want to mix a ton of sprinkles and mini Haribo gummy bears into some ice cream!It was nice being able to have time to spend with my brother. Growing up we would annoy each other or play board games or the wii. We would mess with each other at the homework table till my mom yelled at us lol Now that we have grown up a bit I feel like we don't interact much. Even just a handful of hours being silly together made the day really special to me. Thanks for spending some bonding hours with me!
-ALG
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)