Discharged

Hi guys!

I have been attending therapy sessions since 2013. I am happy and proud to announce that I have been officially discharged today! My therapist sees me as very stable! She’s only known me less than two years but she’s seen my growth in body image, relationships, personal goals, etc. I feel anxious not having another appointment booked and I’m sad thinking I may never see her again but at the same time I’m happy. I never thought about this day becoming a reality. I did it!!

-ALG

You Never Know What the Future Holds

Hi again,

My guess is at this point nobody reads this which is perfectly fine actually. So here I am over 11 months of inactivity on my blog. December 17th of 2016. Of course I can't type every change that has gone on in my life since then, but let me hit some main points.

Lists are easy right? Well kind of.

Lows:
- thought I fell in love again and got my heart broken as usual
- my ex pops up in my nightmares
- blew up on my therapist of 2+ years (this may be a positive thing)
- almost/kind of lost my job
- i got into a crash on my motorcycle and scared my mom
- a family member died
- drank before bed for many days in a row

Highs:
- changed my views on dating and had fun being young
- got all As for my first full semester back in college
- won a nail award!
- got back on my bike
- gained weight (finally over 100!)
- said yes to a date
- said yes to be his girlfriend
- took a risk and bought matching personalized rings


Let me elaborate more on this guy aka Penguin. I had finally decided I would change how I viewed dating to protect my heart and have fun. I used to date to find a potential future husband which some may consider silly considering I am only 22 years young. I looked at dating as a wavy to have fun, meet people, and destress. That's when I matched with Penguin. He fit most of the items on my list of must haves, but I wasn't very hopeful that we would match, let alone work out. In some of his photos he looked like he could be a total jerk, but when I went on the bike night date with him I quickly realized that wasn't the case.

Anybody that knows me understands that I am more negative than positive. Well, Penguin was 100% positive, happy, fun, high energy. I swear I thought he was on drugs! I even asked a couple of his friends if this was the real him which they confirmed. I didn't take to him very well at first, but I began to accept his personality and overall vibe. I figured it may be good for me to have him in my life. We dated from the end of February till the end of July during which he had asked me to be his girlfriend multiples time. Of course I said no every time he asked. I also explained why I was saying no to make sure I wasn't hurting his feelings or giving him the wrong impression. Poor guy lol But he kept his hopes high and acted as if nothing had happened! I don't know how he managed, but I am glad he did.

On July 29, 2017 my close friend, his date, Penguin and I headed to LA to check out the infinity room at the Broad. That light room is so magical! It's a bummer they limit your time in the room to seconds. I mean we waited over four hours for like 30-45 seconds! That's insane!! While we were waiting the four of us squished into my friend's Fiat and had lunch in Little Tokyo. After the museum my friend and his date headed home while Penguin and I rode to Malibu to Point Dume to watch the (nonexistent) sunset! Of course I knew days before that he was planning to once again ask me out. We got to the cliff and enjoyed the view and some fries . . . lol of course! He asked me to be his girlfriend and this time I said yes! Well I actually said maybe then I said yes! Not sure how many months prior that I had planned this, but I dropped a pin on the exact location to note the longitude and latitude.

Fast forward, I got our thumb prints, ring sizes, anniversary date, and location together and placed the order for our rings. I was so worried he wouldn't like it or that he wouldn't wear them. They aren't promise rings to get married, but rings to serve as a reminder of that special day and a promise that I will try my best in the relationship. I knew it would be cool to have matching rings with someone special, but I didn't know how tingly it would make me feel inside. Seeing him wear the ring I bought made me feel a deeper level of connection to him.

My life has been a bit of a mess or a crazy roller coaster ride for many years, but I feel like it has calmed down a bit. The nightmares of my ex have grown scarce, my busy dating schedule is no more (keeping track of who's who and when you have time is more draining than you would think), I am slowly learning how to handle my motorcycle, I am trying to be a happier person, and I am trying to enjoy life as we all should.

Tomorrow morning I head out to the desert with my Penguin for track day! This will be the second time I go to a track to support him. It's definitely something new for me to see so many bikers going top speeds in a safe environment. Plus I love seeing him ride!

Thanksgiving has come and gone. It was probably the most interesting one to date. My aunt and cousin attended, my aunt has to walk with a cane (temporarily), I saw my Granddad for the first time in many many years, my mom made jello shots (my second time having jell shots and our first time having alcohol at Thanksgiving!)and it was Penguin's first Thanksgiving with us!

Christmas should be a lot of fun this year! Before I can enjoy Christmas I have to get through the semester. Can't say I like school but I am managing. Definitely looking forward to our trip in December. My last two Vegas trips didn't go too well. One guy paid more attention to his dog and beer which isn't the best way to spend a "couple's trip". The most recent trip I got pretty messed up but luckily just had a bad headache for four days...not my idea of a fun trip soooo that's why we're trying round two! This time we'll have fun and go out and of course limit the alcohol.

On a different note, I would like to get back to blogging because my therapist and I think writing will help with my overall health. I also enjoy looking back at how far I have come. Looking at the big picture makes me feel like I am walking in the right direction, making smarter choices, and growing as a young women.

I hope you had a Happy Thanksgiving.

-ALG

PS
     Welcome to the blog Penguin!

This sucks

It's just past midnight. I have my motorcycle course tomorrow. You would think I would be excited, but I can't help but feel like I am rolling down a steep hill to depression. It hit me really hard in the last hour. I thought that learning to ride would be a good thing for me but right now it just reminds me of Schatzi. I had to stop myself from mailing him a letter. I came close to calling him a few minutes ago but stopped myself. I hurt enough. What I couldn't stop myself from doing was listening to some of the old voicemails he left on my phone. His voice calms and comforts me but at the same time it makes me depressed and hopeful for what will never happen. This time of year last year I found out he had cheated on me. I still miss the family though and the stillness surrounding me as I sat on the deck or the beauty of the nature on my runs while I waited for him to come home at night. I can't say I miss him cheating or miss the arguing but I miss him. I miss his voice. I miss him reading to me at night. I miss watching shows together and staying up late on the phone laughing. I miss being able to say the most difficult yet simple words to say to someone.

I don't now how I'll be able to take the class tomorrow in the cold and possible rain. Especially with the swollen eyes I'll have from all this crying.

Wish me luck

He Surprised Me At Work!

Hihi,

Yes, I am still trying to catch up on my blog posts. I am almost a month behind. Soooo back on October 5th I was sitting at station six, doing my thing when my phone started to buzz. He doesn't normally call me so I was a bit concerned. While my client was waiting for her gel to cure, I texted to see if he was okay. He said he was outside. Honestly thought he was messing with me and then I saw him poke his head around the window! He came all the way out to my work to then wait to have lunch with me! Of course my boss wouldn't let me go on lunch when I was done with my client. Sadly he had to wait over an hour for me to go on lunch. When I walked outside he was sitting there at a table, holding flowers in one hand and his corgi in the other. I was very surprised that he brought flowers let alone he was there!! A guy surprised me at work!! I still can't believe he drove out to me not knowing when or if I had gone on break, sat outside in the heat, brought me flowers, waited for me to be done, etc so he could surprise me and spend half an hour with me.

Oh and he was going to see me at 4am the next day. Can't say it was the best timing for giving flowers since I wouldn't be home for the next few days to enjoy their beauty, but he made me extremely happy! Not to mention I had super rosy cheeks going back into the salon.

-ALG

MY Pineapple!

Hey there,

October 1st we made an impromptu quick trip to Round One before he had to head off to work. He really enjoys playing those claw games and winning prizes. When we walked into the arcade I was overwhelmed with all the machines, lights, noises, and people. I don't like crowded, dark, or loud places so I was feeling a bit out of place.

We walked around every single claw machine so he could analyze them to see which he should play. I honestly didn't know so much goes into playing a claw game. I figured you aim the best you can and hope for the best. Nope, it's not that simple. As we walked around he asked me which I liked/wanted. I got shy and weird so in my head I kept yelling the pineapple! Of course I stayed quiet though. I think he could tell I was drawn to the pineapple so that's where we ended up. 

Yeaaa neither of us thought the pineapple would be simple to win, but it only took two times to win! I used to think claw games you just grab it in one go or give up. Apparently you usually need more than one move to win the prize. He explained how different claws have different levels of strength, some you have to drop in the hole while others you have to push down, and other strategies. Waaaay too complicated for me to fully grasp, but I'm glad he understands it all because I got to take this baby home with me! First time a guy has ever won me a prize! I was trying real hard to not act too giddy, but I love my pineapple!!

Back to the house and off to work he went. I did go chill at his work though. I got a drink and talked to the guys (his coworkers/roommate) at the sushi bar. He got off work late, but we eventually made it back to the house to relax for the night.

The next day we went to see a screening of quite a few songs from various Asian animated movies. I only recognized a few of the movies, but I enjoyed sitting with him and watching the orchestra. Not to mention the impressive taiko drummers! I should've tried out taiko with Sarah back at UCSD.

After the screening we went to Downtown Fullerton for dinner. This guy loves his ramen! I almost never finish my food, and he's usually hungry after he finishes his so it works out perfectly!

-ALG

LACF 2016

Sooooo,

Yes, these posts are out of order, but oh well. September 22nd he and I went to the LA County Fair. Working for Fairplex gives me some perks which is how we got into the dinosaur exhibit for FREE! There were tons of animatronic dinosaurs ranging in color, size, and shape.


He really likes those claw games so you can only imagine the look on his face when we came across this claw that picks up dino eggs.






Look at this awesome sandbox!

We made our way over to the flower and garden pavilion and took some cool colorful photos. The pavilion is one of my favorite places to visit at the fair. One, I love flowers, and two, I feel relaxed around all the flowers.

I got to attempt to be a model for him to practice using his ew fancy camera lens. Yeah, I need to work on not being so awkward.



Who knew pool noodles could be useful outside of the pool!





Can't go to the fair without seeing the animals right?? We got to see baby sheep, calves, goats, miniature horses, etc.

I can't go to the fair without getting chocolate milk!! Seriously, even if I only get to work the fair I will clock out and walk across the fairgrounds to buy the little container of chocolate milk!

Before we called it a day, he let me pick a ride. I had my eye on the swings for half the day! Aren't we cute? Well I mean he always poses like a model, and I am always slightly funky looking. To be honest the swings were a bit more intense than I had expected. They weren't the kind that simply raise straight up and go in circles. This swing went up and then kind of swung you up and down if that makes any sense? Regardless, I had fun! When it was time to get off the swing I couldn't walk straight. I mean I really couldn't! I was trying very hard to walk like a normal person, but I'm pretty sure everyone could tell I was struggling.

Sadly, we had to leave the fair early because my bosses required I show up to help with a private party for three hours.

Aside from work of course, I had a lot of fun that day.

-ALG

Just Because

Hihi

September 30th he brought me flowers! Well let me take a step back. He only had a few hours before he had to go to work, but he insisted on seeing me. He freaked me out by sending me a text saying his motorcycle battery died and he was stuck on the side of the freeway. Took him a while to get to a hill and start it back up. When he finally got to the house he was drenched in sweat. He pulled a bouquet of flowers out of his bag and gave them to me!

Why did his battery die? He had stopped on the freeway to check on my flowers and forgot to turn off his lights. Not the brightest move, but that's so sweet for him to check on them. Anyhow, by the time he got to the house we only had an hour to spend together before he had to go back home in traffic to then go to work. We watched some of American Horror Story and off he went!


-ALG